Picture this: After being romanced to the bone, you suddenly find yourself sobbing in bed — tears like liquid silver trickling down your cheeks onto the pillows; your partner, confused and concerned. Sound familiar? Probably because it’s happened to you. But don’t fret: Turns out, feeling sad after sex — and yes, even crying — is totally normal. So you can breathe a big sigh of relief, because no, you’re (that) emotionally f*cked up. Here, we explain why some women — and men — cry after intercourse.
Post-orgasm emotions. Ever felt very emotional post-orgasm for no apparent reason? Though it might suck to be all in your feels after experiencing the high that is a good lay, the reality of the matter is: you’re not alone. And, there’s nothing wrong with you.
What it is. Postcoital dysphoria (PCD) is the feelings in humans (usually women) of melancholy, anxiety, agitation or aggression after sex. Many who suffer from PCD may showcase strong feelings of anxiety lasting from five minutes to two hours after intercourse.
Research. So, just how common is PCD? An online survey of 230 female undergraduates revealed that almost half of them — 46 percent — have experienced postcoital dysphoria, or post-sex blues, at least once. What’s more, about five percent reported having PCD a few times within the past month.
Research. In 2011, more research backed PCD as a legitimate “condition” (for lack of a better word) of sorts. A study published in the International Journal of Sexual Health found that a third of women said they had experienced feelings of depression even after “satisfactory sex.”
Quite common. Clearly then, the phenomenon of crying, or feeling very emotional post-orgasm, is actually quite common. “This is something we’re all aware happens,” sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good and associate professor at Indiana University’s School of Public Health, told BuzzFeed. Unfortunately, though, there’s no solid research on why it happens.
Lack of consensus. As mentioned, there is no overall agreement on what exactly causes post-sex blues. “Just like we don’t know why people cry when they see a cute puppy commercial,” Herbenick explained to BuzzFeed.
Possible reasons why. The hypothesized causes of PCD vary, to say the least. As the Huffington Post points out, some experts have described PCD as irritability and “motiveless crying” after sex or an orgasm. Conversely, other researchers are investigating the weak correlation between childhood sexual abuse and PCD in adulthood.
Possible reasons why. Still, for many who experience PCD, past trauma has nothing to do with their post-orgasm tears. Seemingly, many experts blame post-sex blues on the variety of hormones released during orgasm.
Possible reasons why. The theory is that the rush of hormones that flood a person’s body during sex — and orgasm — could be to blame. In other words, that there’s just so much happening in one’s mind and body during intercourse that it’s quite normal to experience a big emotional release.
Possible reasons why. Another reason why some women might experience PCD? Emotions, rather than hormones.
Possible reasons why. These researchers believe that the intense thrill of closeness and intimacy with a partner could be so immense that breaking the connection after sex could be overwhelming — to the point of tears.
Possible reasons why. “Alternately,” the Huffington Post notes, “the after-sex glow in bed could be one of the only times you feel safe enough to express stress and anxiety about the other things that are going on in your life.”
Possible reasons why. Speaking to the Telegraph, Dr. Petra Boynton said, “In terms of feeling sad, depressed or emotional after sex, it is something that does happen, although the range of emotions can vary and data on this is limited, and very poor.”
Possible reasons why. Relationship expert Jan Day echoed Dr. Boynton’s thoughts on the matter, telling the Telegraph, “Sex comes in different flavours and colours, so there are different reasons why we might feel a lot after the experience. If our love-making has been slow and deep and very connected emotionally, we are likely to have opened ourselves and allowed ourselves to feel vulnerable. If we aren’t used to that, we may find ourselves having a reaction afterwards; missing the closeness, wanting more, being uncomfortable with the feelings that are arising in our very open state.”
Possible reasons why. Dr. Boynton added, “It also may depend on the kind of sex you’re having. So you could expect to feel quite emotional or intense following a particularly involved fantasy or role play, or BDSM, or perhaps with someone you’ve liked for a very long time and discover they feel as you do. Or you may find it feels very emotional for different reasons – for example, following sex after pregnancy loss where you’re trying to get pregnant but also feeling sad about your miscarriage.”
Totally normal. While we might not necessarily know why PCD occurs, it’s still totally normal. Phew. Indeed, crying after sex is not something you need to “fix” or get a closer look at from a physician — it just is. And what about men? Do they shed a few tears after sex too? Apparently. But just like it’s no big deal for women, it’s also no biggie for dudes. Sex can be intense — and feeling that intensity is perfectly healthy.
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