You should want to be close with your daughter anyway, but in case you needed more motivation, we’ve got something pretty compelling for you! According to the results of a recent Dutch study, girls who have better relationships with their moms wait longer before choosing to lose their virginity. The more you spend time with and talk to your daughter, the more mature she is likely to be, which means making better decisions for herself. Dads seem to be off the hook, though, because so far as science can tell father-daughter relationships have nothing to do with when she loses her virginity. Once again, mom, it’s all on you!
Popping the cherry. Culturally, it’s a big deal. In the household, it’s a big deal. Personally to your teenage daughter, having sex for the first time is most likely a big deal, too! So it should be done right and at the proper time. And guess what, moms? We have a new strategy for you to use to make sure your daughter waits until she’s ready. It’s called “spending time together.”
The fear of teen sex. Teen sex is almost as feared as the plague but it’s also totally expected. We don’t want it to happen, but we know it will anyway. See the flawed logic here? First of all, two people should have sex when they are ready. It is their choice. Secondly, though, if you’re scared about your teen having sex too soon or too irresponsibly, do something! And no, we don’t mean lock her in a tower, but be an active part of her sexual education.
What the new study says. A Dutch study was recently published that reported findings that suggest that the closer a girl is with her mother, the longer she waits to have sex. This isn’t true 100% of the time, of course, but the statistics are there. A mother’s relationship with her daughter has direct influence over her daughter’s sexual choices.
The parameters of the study. The Dutch researchers surveyed 2,931 boys and girls about their sex lives and relationships with their parents at the age of 12. They followed up with these same teens again when they hit the age of 16. Out of all of the subjects and all possible variables, one conclusion stuck out like a sore thumb.
It’s just mothers and daughters. The relationships between mothers and daughters had a huge impact on the daughters’ sex lives. In regards to the boys, however, no influence was discernible from either parent. There’s something very special about the mother-daughter bond when it comes to a teen’s growing sexuality.
Percentages. According to the study, girls who reported close relationships with their mothers were 44% less likely to lose their virginity between 12 and 16 years old than with girls who weren’t close to their mothers. That’s a big percentage! Nearly half! Think it’s time you start spending more time with your daughter now?
Mom teaches you sex ed. So, why does your relationship with your mom have such a big impact on your sexual life? On idea is that it’s your mom who primarily teaches you about sex ed in the home. Your dad most likely isn’t going to be the one to talk to you about how sex works. He’s a man. They get twitchy about that stuff.
What else does she know? Your mom also has something very important in common with you that your dad doesn’t – she’s female! She has a female body and female sexuality just like you. She will not only be able to teach you about sex, but she’ll be able to empathize with you.
Closeness. Moms and daughters who are closer to each other talk to each other more. They also feel more secure in themselves and their relationship. A developing girl who is close with her mother is less likely to fall victim to social pressure because she’s got mom’s wisdom and support in her corner.
What a negative mother-daughter relationship can do. An unhealthy family life can cause a lot of issues for a growing teen, such as depression, anxiety, drug and alcohol abuse, and engaging in risky sexual behavior. The farther away she is from you (emotionally), the closer she is to something that could damage her.
Putting your daughter at risk. Having a poor relationship with your daughter is bad for multiple reasons. Emotionally, she depends on you for a lot and if you’re not there or if you create an emotionally damaging relationship, it’s going to affect her negatively. But it could also put her physical health, not just her mental health, at risk. If you and your daughter are distant and don’t talk about things, especially sex, it is more likely she will wind up with an STI or even pregnant.
Sorry, Dad, you’re not of much influence here. According to the research done, a daughter’s relationship with her father actually doesn’t seem to have anything at all to do with when she loses her virginity. So the phrase “daddy issues” really doesn’t apply here. Sorry, Dad, Mom’s the heavy-hitter here.
At some point she will have sex. Unless she winds up becoming a nun – and the odds are slim – she will, at some point, have sex. You can’t keep it from happening forever. You will naturally be protective of her of course, but you have to let nature take its course. Mom, even if you two are extremely close, don’t forget she’s going to grow up.
Make sure you have the kind of relationship where she wants to come and talk to you about sex. When you don’t talk about sex is when you wind up with a 16-year-old daughter who is 8 months pregnant. When you do talk about sex, your 16-year-old may still end up having sex, but they will be safer and smarter about it because they’ve had the chance to talk to an adult.
If she’s ready, she’s ready. She knows her body best. Yes, young people can make mistakes and misjudge themselves. However, if she’s been with the same boy for a while now and she feels it’s time to have sex, that’s her choice. The best you can do is provide her with all the knowledge, comfort, and safety in the world.
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